Did you hear about the cheap art thieves the police caught the other day?

They didn’t have the Monet to buy Degas to make their Van Gogh.

Why are harps like elderly parents?

They’re both unforgiving and difficult to get in and out of cars.

The conductor turned to the viola student and said, “You should have taken up the viola earlier."

“Why?” asked the student. “Do you think the practice would have made me really good?”

“No,” said the conductor. “But you might have given up by now.”

A little boy thanked his grandfather for the set of drums he bought him for his birthday. “They’re the best present I’ve ever had,” he said. “They’ve already earned me $80.”

“Wow!”’ said the grandfather. “You must have learned to play them real good!”

“Not really,” said the boy. “But Mom gives me $5 not to play them during the day, and Dad gives me $5 not to play them in the evening.”