A golfer was enduring the most miserable round. Every shot he tried seemed to end in disaster. He and his caddie had trailed in and out of woodland, deep rough, a lake and countless sand traps. On the seventeenth hole he was left with a shot of 180 yards to the green.

“Do you think I can get there with a five-iron?” he asked his caddie.

The caddie sighed, “Eventually.”

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were debating whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said: “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Similarly when I get good cards, the dealer isn’t responsible. So why should I tip him?”

The dealer countered: “When you eat out, do you tip the waiter?”

“Er, yes.”

“Well, he serves you food, and I’m serving you cards, so you should tip me.”

“Fair enough,” said the player, “but the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an eight...”

Two dog owners were boasting about the intelligence of their pets.

“The smartest dog I ever had,” said one, “was an amazing Afghan hound that could play cards. He was amazing at poker, he could beat anyone, even professionals. But I had to have him put down.”

“You had him put to sleep?” said the other. “You must be crazy. A bright dog like that could be worth a million dollars.”

“I had no choice. I caught him using marked cards.”