When I heard A new medium opened shop in town, curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to drive down there and check it out in person. As soon as I sat down, the medium entered the room, came over and sat down across from where I was seated.

She laid her hand on my hand and said, "By the will of the spirits, you will walk today." I told her that I was not paralyzed, and I could walk. Again she said, " By the will of the spirits, you will walk today." Again I said that there is nothing wrong with me.

After the séance, I stepped outside and lo and behold… My car was gone!

When you know it's time for a new car when...

- You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.
- You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.
- You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

- The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."
- The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker.
- You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

- Evel Knievel refuses a free lift.
- The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.
- The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Just do it!"