While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who had injured himself running from a home. He told me he had broken in and unhooked the phone before searching the home. He panicked when he heard a woman’s voice. I entered the house and heard the same voice... “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again.”

On a first date, the young man thought he'd impress the young lady, a piano and voice teacher, by taking her to a karaoke bar.

After going up and singing a song, and now feeling confident as ever, he thought he'd ask a music question to impress her even more. He asked her, "What key did I sing that in?"

She replied, "Most of them."

Ever been told something, but you can't decide if it's a compliment or an insult?

Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognize you!”

The beginner's guide to decoding work emails...

I have a question = I have 18 questions

I’ll look into it = I’ve already forgotten about it

I tried my best = I did the bare minimum

Happy to discuss further = Don’t ask me about this again

No worries = You really messed up this time

Take care = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me

Cheers = I have no respect for you or myself