Both my wife and I are bad cooks.

Our cooking is so bad, that our kids have started praying after we've had dinner.

A little old lady was driving the wrong way down a one-way street and was stopped by a cop.

“Didn’t you see the arrows?” he asked.

“Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians!” she exclaimed.

This was a recent conversation that I had with my girlfriend’s father, who knows I do web design.

Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook?

Me: Oh, that's simple, not hard at all.

Girlfriend: No, he doesn’t mean to make a Facebook profile. He means to redo ALL of Facebook.

Me: Oh. In that case, that's very hard.

Father: Oh, okay. (Pause) What are we talking then, maybe just 3 to 5 hours?

Melissa went up to her college professor, ready to contest the grade she received in the class. "I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?

After staring at her with a blank look, the professor responded. "Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation."