The young couple admired the scarecrow they saw along the road. "Look at that," said the girl. "Not a crow in sight."

The boy looked at the scarecrow and said, "Good job scarecrow!"

To their surprise the scarecrow replied. "Hay, it's in my jeans."

“I’d like two pork chops,” asked the woman to her butcher, “and make them lean.”

“Yes ma’am,” said the polite butcher, standing then on end. “Which way?”

A wife once gave her husband the silent treatment for an entire week. She didn't say anything, she just put it into practice. She was hoping it would make him be more attentive to her and to their marriage.

At the end of the week she decided to bring up subject. "You notice anything different about us this past week?"

Without missing a beat, and without having a clue either, he replied. “Yeah, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

A man was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring his reflection, when he posed the following question to his wife of 20 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

She answered, “Of course I will. I've already been doing it for the past 5 years haven't I?”