Lady (to her doctor): "What l am worried about is my height and not my weight."

Doctor: "How come?"

Lady: "According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches."

An anesthesiologist has a stock answer to the usual question asked by pre-surgical patients:

“How much will the anesthesia cost?”

“Oh, about $100.00. $1.00 to go to sleep and $99.00 for waking up. Most patients buy the whole package.”

Patient: I have a problem doctor. I feel depressed and unhappy.

Doctor: You should cut down on your drinking.

Patient: I don't drink and have never touched a drop in my life.

Doctor: You should cut down on your smoking.

Patient: I don't smoke either doctor.

Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.

Patient: Good heavens! I haven't had a girlfriend in my entire life.

Doctor: Your problem is you have no problems! Get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, find a girlfriend or two, and then you will be alright.

Patient: "Doctor, I feel as though nobody understands me."

Doctor: "What do you mean by that?"