I got a big envelope in the mail that had written on the front, "Photographs: Do Not Bend."

Underneath the mailman wrote, "Oh, yes they do."

If I lock my keys in my car, all I have to do is call OnStar and they unlock my car.

If the car is stolen, they can lock all the doors and trap the thief in the car.

Whenever my wife tells me she is taking the car to go shopping, I call OnStar and tell them my car has been stolen.

A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."

A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."

"Your call is very important to us...

... Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo."