A friend asked what parenting toddlers is like.

So I hid her keys, headbutted her in the face, and then told her I love her more than the stars.

A handyman was working for a temple in Allentown, PA, had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work.

First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there he would have to answer one question.

The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born?"

The man answered, "Pittsburgh," and was shown the door.

He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question.

He was asked, "Where was Jesus born?"

The man answered, "Philadelphia."

He was dismissed.

Walking away, he encountered the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately."

The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. Where was Jesus born?

The rabbi says, "Bethlehem."

"HA!" cries the man. "I knew it was somewhere in Pennsylvania."

Daughter: Alexa, play Let It Go.

Dad: When I was your age, I had to call a radio station, wait on hold for 30 minutes to request a song, then sit by my boom box for an hour for my song to play with a blank cassette tape so I could record it.

Daughter: I don't understand any of that.