An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.

The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.

"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.

"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."

"Yes -- so what?"

"Think about it," said the mystic reverently. "That little bottle -- how does it know?"

An elderly couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the Senior Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.

"Sounds good," my the woman said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay more for NOT taking the eggs?" she asked incredulously.

"Yep," stated the waitress.

"I'll take the special," she replied.

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," she exclaimed.

She took the two eggs home.

One morning at a small-town newspaper office, one of the editors was struggling to write a headline for the obituary of a woman who was noted for little besides a fondness for crossword puzzles.

"What am I supposed to write?" the editor whined. "She liked puzzles?"

Just then one of our copy editors piped up, "How about, 'Crossword fan is now six down.'?"

A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but he was so timid that he never had the courage to speak to her.

In fact, he told his therapist that every time he got near her, he felt like nothing more than a tiny pebble.

"Well," his therapist responded, "if you want to get the girl, you'll just have to be a little boulder!"