After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.

The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.

Tom spoke up, "I don't want my life regulated by some machine. I just can't stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle."

Sarah took Tom's words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom's beer.

Why is it when I eat a 2 oz chocolate bar, I always gain a pound...

But when I choose NOT to eat the same bar, I don't lose a pound???