A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first...

Your money or your feet!

A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk.

"I have a skin problem and the doctor prescribed a milk bath."

The clerk asked, "Pasteurized?"

She replied, "No, just up to my chin."

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.