The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre D, "but there are no tables available."

"One moment, my friend," said the man, drawing himself up. "I happen to be Gregory R. Caruthers, the sportsman."

"I'd like to accommodate you, Mr. Caruthers, but there just isn't a table available this evening."

"I bet if the President came in and asked for a table, there'd be one available."

"Yes-s-s," the other admitted, "I suppose there would be a table available for the President."

"Good! I'll take it. He isn't coming!"

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?

Its true, Comet now cleans sinks.

Wife to husband...

"This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts... like ties and fur coats."

I hear the world tongue-twister champion has been found guilty of cheating...

Apparently they're going to give him a really hard sentence.