- You've already read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for the year.
- You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.

- You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.
- You decide to see how many Mountain Dews you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.

- People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
- No longer content with merely photocopying your rear, you now scan and enhance it with Photoshop.

- You now require only a single can of cola to belch the names of all seven Dwarfs.
- The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick.

"How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks."

A priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed.

It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask the gender of the deceased. This was information that he would need for his remarks during the service.

Thinking quickly, as he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives were seated, he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one woman, "Brother or sister?"

"Cousin," she replied.