The secret to success is sincerity...

And once you learn to fake it, you've got it made!

Customer: "Excuse me, but are you looking to hire any help at present?"

Manager: "No, we already have all the staff we need."

Customer: "In that case, would you mind getting someone to wait on me?"

The Scots invented golf...

Which might explain why they invented Scotch.

A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days.

Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him, "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again."

"Okay," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"