What is the cause of most computer problems?

It's the loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.

Little Johnny was celebrating his birthday soon. His father asked him what he would like for his birthday. Without hesitation Johnny said, "A spider." His father was somewhat incredulous, so he asked him again. "I really want a spider," responded Johnny.

Well, his father went to the pet store and asked the salesperson, "Do you sell spiders?"

"We sure do," was the response.

"How much do they cost?"

"$50.00," said the clerk.

Somewhat taken aback, Johnny's father said, "That's too expensive. I'm sure I can find something cheaper on the web."

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"