Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."

"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.

"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."

My boss texted me, "Send me one of your funny jokes, Pete."

I replied, "I'm working at the moment, Sir, I will send you one later."

He replied, "That was fantastic, send me another one."

Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands inside someone's mouth?

Dentist: I prefer to think of it as having my hands inside their wallet.

Q: Why do people love drinking Guinness?

A : It's a meal in a can!