Two elderly women had been friends for over forty years. Each one was losing their hearing. Minnie asked, "Are you going to be home today?"

"Yes, as far as I know," replied her friend, Adie.

"Good I have a gift for you."

"Esther Price?" Adie asked.

Knowing Minnie loved Esther Price candy, she assumed the gift was candy. As the day wore on, Minnie finally arrived with a book on Smoothies. Adie was confused. "I didn't know Esther Price sold books?"

"They don't."

"But this morning you said they did."

"Oh, I thought you said, 'That's nice.'"

A politician died and went to the pearly gates. He peered over the angel's shoulder and saw several clocks. He asked the angel what the clocks represented. The angels told him the hands of the clock only move when someone is lying.

The man saw George Washington's clock on the wall and asked the angel about George's clock. “The hands only moved once. That was the time he lied to his father about the cherry tree.”

Then the man saw the clock that belonged to Abe Lincoln and asked about the hands on his clock. “The hands did not move because he was known as 'Honest Abe.'”

“Where is my clock?”

“Oh, it's in God's office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."

Several years ago, I purchased a chest type freezer. My best friend came over to see it. She said, "My dad told me how you can tell if you have a tight seal on your freezer. If you put a dollar bill in between the top of the freezer and the bottom of the freezer and you can't pull it out, then you have a good seal."

"Wow, let's try it!" I said.

"Sorry, we can't," she began. "All I have is a ten."