Two guys are at a bar, drunk and talking nonsense.

MAN 1: I am planning on buying the world.

MAN 2: That is crazy and makes no sense what-so-ever, you can't buy the world.

MAN 1: Why not?

MAN 2: Because, I am not going to sell it to you.

One Spring afternoon, I came home to find two little girls on the steps of my building. Both were crying hard, shedding big tears. Thinking they might be hurt, I dropped my briefcase and quickly went over to them. "Are you all right?" I asked.

Still sobbing, one held up her doll. "My baby's arm came off," she said.

I took the doll and its disjointed arm. After a little effort and luck, the doll was again whole. "Thank you," came a whisper from the girl as I handed her the doll back. Next, looking into the tearful eyes of her friend, I asked, "And what's the matter with you, young lady?"

She wiped her cheeks and said, "Oh I'm okay, I was just helping her cry."

Teacher: Johnny, where were you born?

Little Johnny: Los Angeles

Teacher: Which part?

Little Johnny: What do you mean which part? The whole body was born in Los Angeles.

As I was going to visit a friend, I saw my neighbor’s little child at the street corner holding two dollars and crying. I asked him, ”Junior, what is the matter?”

He replied, ”My mummy gave me one dollar to buy sugar and one dollar to buy soy milk, and now I can't remember which dollar is for sugar and which dollar is for the milk.”