My wife asked me to get her a birthday gift that was black and silver and went from 0 to 200 in six seconds.

I got her a new bathroom scale... that's when the fighting really started.

Many small towns in rural Maine are too small for a town manager so they elect (select) at their town meetings "Select Persons" to do the town's business. Athens was very proud that they elected the first female Select Person. She was not a native and had recently moved from New Jersey where things were very sophisticated compared to this 130 person town.

Wanting to impress the town's people her first decision was to convince the other two Select Persons to make the main street "One Way Only", just like her home town in NJ. The biggest problem resulting from this decision however, is that everyone can go to work, they just can't get back.

Most people will say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

An engineer will say, "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

"What is the difference between a mechanical and civil engineer?" asked the incoming college freshman.

The professor replied, "Mechanical engineers design weapons and civil engineers design targets."