Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

First one says, “Boy, it’s hot in here.”

Second one says, “What the heck, a talking muffin!”

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, “How did that toast get into the cage?"

"It was bread in captivity,” she replied.

My house had been burglarized and the police were taking a report.

The policeman asked me, "Have you lived here all your life?"

I replied, "Hopefully, not yet!"

Two men are walking in the desert. They come upon a hole in the ground. One man asks, "How deep is that hole?"

The other responds, "I don't know, throw something in it and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."

The other man turns around and finds an anvil. He tosses the anvil into the hole and two seconds later a goat flies by and jumps into the hole. Just then a rancher comes up and asks the men if they had seen his goat.

One man says, "We just saw him jump into this hole!"

The Rancher replied, "That can't be, I had him tied to an anvil!"