A man being tried for murder happens to know one of the jurors. Before jury deliberation, the man finds a way to contact his friend and emphatically demands that he vote for life in prison with the possibility of parole. The friend agrees.

The jury deliberates for a week and returns a verdict of guilty with life imprisonment. The convicted man phones his friend and asks why it took so long for the verdict.

His friend says, "It took me a long time to convince the other jurors for life imprisonment."

"Why is that?"

"Because they wanted to acquit you!"

A married couple were vacationing in Hawaii and disagreed on the correct pronunciation of the state name. He said it was Hawaii and his wife said it was Havaii.

They stopped a man on the street to ask his opinion. He said the correct pronunciation was Havaii. The man's wife was delighted and thanked the man.

The man said, "You're velcome."

On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang. He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"

The PFC replied, "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."

The man asked, "Do you know who this is?"

"No."

"This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"

The PFC quickly asked, "Well, do you know who this is?"

"No."

"Good, goodbye!"

I told my friend that my wife and I had a huge argument and she left for the Caribbean.

"Jamaica?" he asked.

"No," I replied, "she went of her own accord."