I was having dinner with a chess player that had just received notification that she has received the prestigious chess designation of "Master".

Due to the checkered tablecloth, It took her two hours to pass me the ketchup.

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab and drove away.

A week later, he came back for a fill up. Again, he got out of the car with the umbrella and opened it, but this time he just stood there watching me work. I asked, “So you’re not gonna use that to keep the sun off me this time?” and he retorted, “Watch it, young man. Fuel me once, shade on you. Fuel me twice, shade on me!”

When I was in college, I was really into this girl named Greta, but I was shy back then and not at all assertive. The girl and two of her friends were going to a nerdy Halloween party and decided to go as the first digits of pi (3.14).

They needed someone to be the decimal, and I volunteered thinking it would give me a chance to talk to Greta. I was really excited until I got there and realized that she was the 4, which meant there was someone between us all night. I was miserable, barely spoke to anyone, and went home alone.

Thing is, the whole reason I went to the party was that I really thought she was the one.