Attending the funeral of a close friend I thought I recognized a lady I had not seen in 25 years.

I went up to her and said, "You look like Helen Black..."

She replied and walked away, "You don't look so good in brown!"

A farmer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that can cut down 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The farmer is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY!

The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the farmer says, “What’s that noise?”

My ex-wife was on vacation in New Orleans and sent me a picture of one of the famous cemeteries with the graves above ground...

The caption read: "WISH YOU WERE HERE!"

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

There was a face off in the corner.