Do you know the new type of knock knock joke that starts with "no me neither?"

"No."

"Me neither."

Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why.

Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back."

"Well, how did you make it to school then?"

Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home."

A Russian arrives at a friends house with a bottle of vodka. The friend silently leads him into the dining room where they both sit at the table with the bottle. Not a word is spoken.

The friend goes off and returns with two vodka glasses. The Russian fills the two glasses with the vodka, and they begin to drink. Not a word is spoken.

After much silence and a half-empty bottle, the Russian ventures a comment, “Good vodka, agree?”

At this, the friend slams down his glass and replies, “Did you come here to talk or to drink?”

While on vacation in Spain with my wife, I I started to feel funny. I had some pain in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day we had just had, but I continued to feel worse. As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed.

It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart attack. I thought for sure I would die because the nearest hospital was 1/2 hour away. Suddenly from the back room came a woman wielding defibrillators. She shouted to the other staff to help and they ripped off my shirt and restarted my heart right there in the hotel.

The ambulance arrived 20 minutes later, but thanks to this amazing woman my life had been saved. I spent the night in the hospital but I got out around noon the next day. I went back to the hotel to thank this woman.

I said, “I’m amazed that a hotel this small has a full time doctor as skilled as yourself!”

She replied, “No one expects the Spanish Inn physician.”