My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at.

He went to town in a $10,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche. 

I thought, "Nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $15,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle. 

A Greyhound bus.

The percussionist, tired of being teased by her band-mates, decides to switch instruments.

She walks into the local music shop, points to her choices and says, “I’ll take that trumpet and that accordion.”

The shop assistant looks at her for a second and replies, “Okay, you can take the fire extinguisher, but the radiator’s not for sale.”

One of my employees who was deeply involved in finishing a report for the upcoming board meeting received a call from his wife that had good news and bad news.

Because of the deadline he asked if she could just give him the good news. The wife replied "Okay, the good news is that the air bags work."

My second grade announced at the dinner table that after school a boy in her class had kissed her.

Trying to stay cool her mother asked, "How did that happen?"

Our daughter said, "It wasn't easy, I needed three other girls to help hold him on the ground."