What did Mike Tyson's parents say when he told them that he wanted to be a boxer?

"Go ahead, knock yourself out!"

Don't ever tell a Doctor that you have the Bubonic Plague...

They'll look at you like you have the plague or something!

I was taking a stand-up comedy class but I had to quit...

My teacher was making me feel funny.

Of all the doctors, it's the egomaniac optometrists you've really gotta keep an "I" on!