The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”

Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”

Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, “Danger! Beware of Dog” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

I took my pain pill... so why are you still here?

I am so Broke... when I stop at a street corner, the homeless give me money.

I am so Broke... my bank statement shows TWO decimals points on my current balance.

I am so Broke... a televangelist said that all of His children will prosper, except this guy and shows my picture.

I am so Broke... mathematicians can now show that if you divide any number by zero, it will equal what is in my bank account.

I am so Broke... I can't afford anything Free.

I am so Broke... even my IP address is 00.00.00.00

I am so Broke... I am proof that multiplying a negative and a negative WILL give you a negative again.

I am so Broke... when I use a calculator to get the value of Pi, all I get is .1