An angel appears at a College faculty meeting and tells the Dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the Dean selects infinite wisdom.

“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the Dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”

The Dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”

If you come home like I do and find your cat had his tail removed from fighting, just take your cat to Walmart...

They're the best re-tailer!

When A Man and a Woman get a haircut...

Women:
Woman 2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman 1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman 1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman 1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men:
Man 2: Haircut?

Man 1: Yeah.

My clothes dryer broke down the other day, so I picked up a newspaper to look for a reasonably priced used clothes dryer.

I found an ad that listed a "New, Still in BOX, Unopened, green & environmentally friendly Solar Powered Clothes Dryer" for $50. Wow! That was a bargain for such a high tech dryer. I ordered one with free delivery.

The day I received it, my jaw dropped! I got a box with clothes pins and several yards of rope.