Two steps for making great tofu:

Step 1: Throw TOFU in the trash.

Step 2: Put a thick RIBEYE STEAK on the grill.

Around 3pm every afternoon, I think it's time to put an "OUT OF ORDER" sign on my forehead and call it a day.

Sign on wine truck...

In case of ACCIDENT:

BRING LOTS OF CHEESE AND CRACKERS!!!

Have a fisherman friend that is always exaggerating the size of the CATFISH he catches. I ask him what was the size of his latest catch.

He replied, "Five inches!"

"Five inches?" I asked. "Five inches is not a very large catfish."

"You didn't let me finish," he began, "five inches between the eyes!"