Things that always tell the truth:

Small Children...

Drunks...

Yoga Pants!

Why did Little Johnny bring a ladder to school?

He wanted a higher education.

When ordering a pizza ask that it be cut in 4 slices in place of the normal 8 slices...

That way, it only counts as 4 slices on your diet!

Dear Winter,

I'm breaking up with you. I think it is time I start seeing other seasons.

Besides, Summer is much HOTTER than you!