The crocodile walked into a trendy menswear store, approached the assistant and asked, "Do you have any shirts with pictures of people on the pocket?"

The widow requested that her husband's grave be dug 20 feet deep.

"Deep down he was a good man," she explained.

Two lawyers, partners in small practice, close the shop and go to lunch. Suddenly the first lawyer says, "I forgot to lock the safe!"

"Easy, easy," his partner soothed. "We're both here, aren't we?"

"Why is Dad never home?" the 16 year old girl asked her mother.

"Well, dear, he has taken a second job so that you can have iPads, mobile phone, a TV in your room, club memberships, cosmetics, trendy clothes . . . he does it all for you, so his beautiful girl doesn't miss out on a thing."

"Wow," the teenager replied thoughtfully, "that's really very selfish of him, isn't it?"