The coffee shop had a sign that read: Pretend its 1973!

So I paid 10 cents and lit up a cigarette.

How do you get into the School of Rock?

How else, you rock enroll.

Me: How much are tickets?

Ticketmaster: They’re $55 each.

Me: Ok I’ll take two.

TM: Great that’ll be $847.83.

A man asked me for a dollar.

I told him I only carry big bills.

He said give him one of those.

So I gave him my electric bill.