Always give 100% at work!

Monday - 14%
Tuesday: - 26%
Wednesday - 42%
Thursday - 15%
Friday - 3%

As I was getting in bed, she said, "You’re drunk."

I said, "How do you know?"

She said, "You live next door."

The wife and I were going on a holiday vacation, and when we got to the airport I said to her, "I wish I'd brought the television."

She said, "Why, will you get bored?"

I said, "No, the passports are on top of it."