I bought a bag of air today…

The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins.

I'm done with dating sites.

Now focused on pizza delivery guys.

Before I even meet them, I know they have a job, car, and a pizza.

After 35, women don’t have one night stands.

We have auditions.