A new remote control for your television was being developed that enables the truly lazy to surf channels while moving even less muscles than before. The new device totally eliminates the need to stretch your arm that little bit more from your couch, to get the remote directly in front of the TV. Now the only muscle you need to move is your finger.

This is just one more step to inventing technologies that turn people into furniture, and their brains into Jell-O.
The company spokesman indicated it wanted to refine the product even more by making it thought-controlled, thereby completely removing the need for any sort of muscle movement at all, but this wouldn't work because it has been discovered that most TV addicts are completely incapable of any kind of thought at all.

Your mama's teeth are so rotten...

When she smiles... it looks like dice!

A young secretary in my office was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had on her vacation. She then asked her boss for two weeks leave in which to get married.

"But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get married then?"

"What, and ruin my vacation?" she whined.

Ralph took a job with a construction to paint lines on Texas Road 82. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed.

The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet.

The boss sat him down and said, "Ralph, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?".

Ralph replied, "Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can".