Little Johnny's teacher was preparing the students for the upcoming Spelling Bee when she asked Johnny to "Spell Straight."

Little Johnny: "S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T."

Teacher: "Correct; what does it mean?"

Little Johnny: "Without ginger ale."

"Johnny, why are you late?" asked the teacher angrily.

"Sorry teacher, it was late when I left home."

"Then why didn't you start earlier?"

"Sorry, at that point it was too late to start earlier."

Its time for spring cleaning and I answered the doorbell and discovered a half-dozen vacuum cleaner salesmen who indicated they have appointments to demonstrate their products.

I went to my wife who she to me, "Send them each to a different room!"

The speaker was genuinely enthusiastic about the virtues of temperance but his face made people doubt him.

Towards the close of his testimony he squared his shoulders, held his head tall, and said, "I have lived in this town all my life. in this town there are fifty-five public houses that sell liquor, and I am proud to say that I have never been in one of them!"

Then came a small voice from the back, "Which one is that?"