I'm a very generous person.

I donate yeast to charities.

I do this because I hope it raises a lot of dough!

Patient: Doctor I think I've been bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this water.

Patient: Will this make me feel better?

Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see leaks and know where the vampire bit you.

I use to work in a calendar factory.

The management fired me after 1 day.

All I did was take one day off.

I was in the supermarket the other day and suddenly I got hit in the head with a can of soda...

I'm so glad it was a soft drink!