Husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died, would you get married again?”

The husband said, “No sweetie.”

The woman said, “I’m sure you would.”

So the man said, “Okay, I would.”

Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”

And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.”

Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”

And the husband replied, “No, she’s left handed.”

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Opportunity!

That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
 
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
 
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty.

“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well," he replied, "I said I was 87!"