Miser to son: "Son, how much did it cost when you took your girlfriend to dinner yesterday?"

Son: "Dad, it was only $25.00."

Dad: "Oh, that’s not too bad."

Son: "It would've been more, but that was all the money she had on her."

Dressing to go for a party, the husband says, ”My suit looks very shabby, and not appealing."

His wife replies, being supportive of course, "Don't worry about it, no one is going to be looking at you anyway."

Palmist to Man: "By looking at the lines in your palm, someone very near to you is going to get disappointed."

Man: "Wow, you are good! For you will be disappointed to know that I forgot my wallet in the house."

“Do you know, why Andrews is so popular with the girls?”

“No, why?”

“When he sits down beside a pretty girl in a bar, he tells her, 'I’m not really so tall, I’m just sitting on my wallet.'"