A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a very serious problem. I only hear half of everything.”

"That can’t be," answers the doctor. “Either you can hear everything or you hear nothing. Tell you what, Let us see. Repeat after me... Ninety Six.”

The man quickly replies, “Forty eight!”

Judge to the thief: “Since there is no witness to your stealing, I am releasing you. Otherwise you would have got at least 6 months.”

Thief: "Your honor, kindly punish me for at least a week in jail. I have to collect money from a few inmates who borrowed money from me last time."