My television set broke so I was forced to rely on the lost art of conversation with the wife at dinner...
"Have you seen the iPad, love?"
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
A professional thief says, "Sign here please!"
Tom tried to calm himself down in the middle of a severe argument with his wife Jany. He said to her, “Let us not fight any more. We should try to sort this out in a level-headed manner.”
Fuming with anger, Jany replied, “No. Whenever we try to sort things out in a level-headed manner, I lose!”