Two guys sitting in a football stadium waiting for the game to start.

One turns to the other and says, “I hope the rain keeps up!”

“Oh, why?”

“So it doesn’t come down!”

A pirate walks into a pub on the mainland with an enormous rainbow feathered parrot on his shoulder. The barkeep stares at the rather intimidating bird until he finally gathers enough courage to ask the pirate about it.

He points at the pirate and says, “Where did you get that?”

“Pirate Bay,” the parrot answers, “the place is filled to the brim with ’em!”

Little Johnny was playing in his yard when his next door neighbor drove by pulling a trailer. He ask what did he have in the trailer?

"Manure,"the neighbor replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked Little Johnny

"Put it on my strawberries," answered the farmer.

Little Johnny replied, "You ought to come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our strawberries."

Two music lovers were being held hostage and both were going to be shot. One of them was a country music lover and the other enjoyed all types of music. Before they were shot they were asked for one last request before they died.

The country music lover said, "I would like to listen to 'Achy Breaky Heart' 50 times in a row..."

The other music lover said, "Please, shoot me first!"