Little Johnny: "Grandma, if I was invited out to dinner, should I eat pie with a fork?"

Grandma: "Yes, indeed, Johnny."

Little Johnny: "You haven't got a pie in the house I could practice on, have you, Grandma?"

Thief had successfully entered the art museum on the second floor, where lesser known artists are displayed. After previewing the art, he selected a piece to take.

As he was making his getaway, one of the guards came up from behind, snatched the picture from under the thief's arms and slammed it down over his head.

"Now," said the guard, "don't you go and tell the judge that I framed you!"

At a local gun show two guys were bragging about their wife's abilities.

"My wife's a fine shot. She can hit a dollar every time."

"That's nothing. My wife goes through my trousers and never misses a dime."