The new chairman, giving his acceptance speech at the annual meeting of a local society club indicated his concern...

"In most associations half the members do most of the work while the other half does nothing. Beginning today this will change. From this day forward this will be reversed!"

Little Johnny's teacher was was discussing the weather in chemistry class? She asked, "When rain falls does it ever rise again?"

After asking various students she called on Little Johnny.

"Yes, it does... in dew time."

Two drunks were babbling about when they were born as they leaned heavily against the bar.

"You know," said one, "when I was born I weighed a pound and a half, and that's a fact."

"You don't say," said the other. "And did you live?"

"Did I live?" exclaimed the first. "Heck man, you ought to see me now."

Two little girls were playing together one afternoon in the park when one said, "I wonder what time it is?"

"Well, it can't be four o'clock," replied the other with magnificent logic.

"How do you know," asked the first girl.

"Because my mother said I was to be home by four o'clock and I'm not."