Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"
Ashlea: I told you, I'm on a strict plant-based diet.
John: Don't worry, these burgers are all plant-based.
Ashlea: Mmm... this is delicious. What plant is this from?
John: Meat-packing plant.
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
My new girlfriend works at the zoo...
I think she's a keeper!