Favorite this joke I was supposed to go out with this guy on Saturday night. On Saturday afternoon he called and said that he didn’t think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends.
So I hung up and called him back. He said, "Hello?"
I replied, "Hey, friend, it’s me. Want to hear what this jerk just did?"
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels...
She didn’t know I existed.
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Cohen," she says, "would you say you’re honest?"
"Honest?" replies Mr. Cohen. "Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $75,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
"Dad sued me for the money."
A rookie pitcher is struggling on the mound, so the catcher walks up to have a quick talk with him.
"I think I've figured out your problem," the catcher tells the shaky pitcher. "You always lose control at exactly the same point in every game."
The pitcher feels a little relieved, thinking he has the answer to his issue. "When do I usually lose my control?" he asks his teammate.
"It's usually," the catcher admits, "right after the national anthem."
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