Favorite this joke "What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.
"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.
"To make your last will?"
"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."
Husband to stepford wife: "There are times we must save money and make every nickel count!"
Wife: "That's the reason I bought three loaves of bread today."
Husband: "Three loaves of bread? I haven't seen anything in the news where there has been a raise in bread."
Wife: "I don't know anything about the news, but I saw a sign in the window that sure did say it."
Husband: "What did the sign say?"
Wife: "It said: Raisin bread tomorrow."
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked.
"He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his co-worker replied.
"How was he going to do it?"
"He took an engine from a Ford, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from Caddy and, well, you get the idea."
"So what did he end up with?"
"Ten years to life."
There was a football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
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