An older man at the evening function bowed his head and wept quietly but copiously while while a young woman rendered the plaintive ballad, "My Old Kentucky Home."

The hostess tiptoed up to him and inquired tenderly, "Pardon me, are you a Kentuckian?"

"Nay, madam," the tearful one replied, "I'm a musician."

The fisherman got such a reputation for stretching the truth that he bought a pair of scales and insisted on weighing every fish he caught, in the presence of witnesses.

One day a doctor borrowed the fisherman's scales to weigh a new born baby.

The baby weighed 40 pounds.

I decided to do research on my ancestry and went to a genealogy professional.

First question: "Have you any poor relations?"

"Not any that I know."

Second question: "Have you any rich relations?"

"Not any that know me."

"Darling," said the husband to his new bride, "I am not casting any reflections on your cooking, but I sure wish you could learn to make the kinda of bread my mother use to make."

"I don't think that should be too difficult," she said sweetly, "If you will learn to make the dough my father used to make."