Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches.

"Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?"

"Car accident," said the man on crutches.

"When did that happen?"

"Oh, about six weeks ago."

"And you still have to be on crutches?"

"Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."

"You in the back of the room, what was the date of the signing of the Magna Carter?"

"I dunno."

"You don't? Well let's try this. Who was Bonny Prience Charley?"

"I dunno."

"Well, tell me what the Tennis Court Oath was?"

"I dunno."

"I assigned this stuff last Friday. What were you doing this last weekend?"

"I was out drinking beer and fishing with friends."

"You were? What audacity to stand there and tell me a thing like that? How do you ever expect to pass this course?"

"I don't. I just came in to fix the radiator."

On the first day of class the chemistry professor was asking around the room the elements in the periodic table. "Jones, what does HNO3 signify?

Jones, searching for the answer replied, "Well, ah, I've got it right on the tip of my tongue, sir."

Professor: "Well, you better spit it out. It's nitric acid."

"Hello," exclaimed Jenkins, as he met his friend Jones. "You're looking a bit off color. Anything wrong?"

"I'm afraid there is," replied Jones, "I've had to give up drinking, smoking and gambling."

"Well, I must say that's all to your credit," commended Jenkins.

"Oh, no, it isn't," snapped Jones. "Its due to my lack of credit."